Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - a very nice dream :

i cant recall what happen totally but there are a few very nice incidents. anyway some of them are related to real life, for some reason it adds up nicely, but too bad it was a dream and i woke crying, well, just heartbroken and emoing.

if i recall we were on a trip back to somewhere, and there was this girl, well whom i used to liked in sec 3, for those who know should know who. and its like, blah blah, she was regreting that that time didnt accept me blah, and its like, i was also having feelings for her still. continue on suddenly she fell off the bus, which i am not sure how it happened, but recklessly i jump off to save her, but to no avail an on coming SMRT black bus, the new black one, bang her. i was like WTF and the first thing in my mind was her being squash by the tires and exposing the brain blah etc, what happened to my sec 1 friend ester. but she was ok. i nearly burst into tears in my dreams.

we went back the bus and continue on, while she was giving out letters and notes to everyone in the bus to thank them for the time they had together and also to me, and also i know she have a hard time finding a job. well after that we sat tgt and i read out the note she gave me, and i realised that she regret rejecting me. i was like, showing affection to her again, and she was a bit shock but accepted it, so i was like, why not we start now? actually i was thinking of in uni again after NS but i guess now wont harm it either. well started, quite fast actually come to think of it, and she lay her head on my shoulder. felt the warmth actually, and well, it was kind of cold so i put my shoulder around her. its like i wished time didnt stopped. plus guess what, that date i recall was 26-27 May 2008, which is like 1 day after some incident that happened earlier IN REAL LIFE, where there is a couple steading and karseng anniversary plus baby birth, so i was like, relating to real life in my fiction.

well we were cuddled together, and later on when we reach the destination which is somewhere near harbour front, like on top of mount faber, and the sun was just rising or setting. no idea but it was red, very nice red, and i took out my 1.3 mega pixel cam phone, w550i and took a photo, but the effect wasnt that great. she was coming out of the bus then, i grab my stuffs and went to find her, and she was feeling cold still with a jacket on. well i just reach in my bag, grab out a SP jacket and covered her, well hoping she felt warm. still a bit shy to hold her hand but last thing i knew that i was heading to sentosa with her.


then i woke up.

i realised that i broke my heart unknowingly in the dream when i wake to reality and realising it wasnt real at all but just something that i conjured up in my dreams. as i am typing this now i can start again to feel some tears trying to flow out though the side of my eyes, but should control. no idea to talk this to who, so i guess i blog it down and see who would be concern to read it.

sometime i wish this kind of thing would continue, but, there is a limit. i really hope i can find the girl of my dreams, or least the girl i would care and sacrificed my life for. if i recalled in 2003, i really love that girl a lot. not lust, not crush but i felt love. though she didnt like me, plus i think our horoscope was not compatiable, but basically i wanted to be there for her everytime, if she needs me, if she got into trouble or what, just be there for her. comfort her, help her, and if she was about to be hit by an incoming car save her from it. i remembered her smell, her looks, vividly that time, though she looks different now from what i last seen, but memories are always locked in my head.

sometimes, i wished, i was in a relationship that never ended.

gtsfrost blogged at Tuesday, May 27, 2008